A Baby Story

In hindsight I can’t decide if I was prepared for the “birthday” or not.

My doctor had informed me last Thursday that he was moving my C-section up to the following Friday (9/4), but that he was scheduling an ultrasound for Monday (8/31) and could possibly deliver them on that date.  I had assumed we would get to Friday, but planned accordingly.  We cleaned the house, stocked the fridge and packed my bag.  I was able to get into school on Saturday and was able to get everything ready there too.  With everything done I was looking forward to a relaxing week in a clean house.

I was feeling really anxious as I drove to the ultrasound, but things seemed to look good.  I was told that the fluid levels were above the point where they get concerned.  I started to relax and mentally plan how I would spend the week.  The plan was that I would wait while the nurse called the ultrasound report into my doctor who was the doctor scheduled in labor and delivery for that day.  I casually flipped through a magazine and waited for the nurse to tell me to go home.

Except she didn’t.

She informed me that he wanted me to go over to the hospital for an non-stress test and  would possibly deliver.  I walked out to the car suddenly very nervous about how the day would unflod.  I realized that I wasn’t sure if I needed to go right over or if I had some time to play with to take a shower.  I called the nurse line to ask and she called the doctor.  She came back and told me that he said it would be fine to take a shower and that I should bring my bag because he was leaning towards delivering.

The Boy was really cute on the drive over.  He asked, “Mommy are you excited for the babies to come out today?”  I lied and said I was.   There was no need to tell him I was actually scared to death aobut the events ahead.  He said, “I’ve been waiting and waiting for so long for them to come out.”  I found this to be very calming and turned a lot of my anxiety into true excitement.

I checked into labor and delivery and was hooked up to the monitor.  Both babies looked great.  The doctor was still debating how we would proceed.  He explained that he was leaning towards “bailing” that night vs. waiting until Friday.  He explained that while my fluid level was just above the point where they become concerned, it had dropped drastically in the past week.  He felt that the 3.5 days of growth that it would buy us by waiting until Friday wasn’t worth the risk of the fluids dropping further or any other potential issues that could arise this late in the game.

I trusted him and knew that as anxious as I was about being “carved” it would only be worse if I had 3 days to obsess about it.  Plus, both Hubby and I were getting anxious about the pregnancy.  Looking back it was a flawless pregnancy, however it was considered high risk to start with and we jusy kept raising the anti by first finding out we were having twins and then finding out they were identical.  Each step of the way:every test, every month, every exam brought about a great deal of anxiety as we worried about all that could go wrong.  Luckily, each step ultimately brought relief and reassurance, but by this time we were both getting very concerned about something going wrong so late in the game that could be avoided by them being on the outside vs the inside.  So it was a go!

Because I had eaten lunch, they wanted to give my body time to digest it so we were told 7 p.m. was “go time.”  A scheduled C-Section was such a different experience than when I gave birth to the Boy.  As I sat in the room waiting I looked around at the birthing ball, the handle bar they attach to the bed to help you push, the misc. equiptment and reflected on my last birth experience where I recall there being a sufficient amount of pain for a fair amount of time and was grateful to not experience that again. Plus, delivering twins can be much more challenging because of the extra cord, the extra body parts, the fact that they can (and in this case were) in different positions and so the chances of needing a section even AFTER a long and painful labor were there as well as the chance of having one vaginally and needing an emergency section on the other.  I decided that my planned route was the more desirable choice for me.

My mom and dad met us at the hospital and took the Boy back to our house.  Hubby and I sat and waited.  My nurse was really sweet and friendly and kept reassuring me that everything would be fine.  I had purposely avoided reading too much and asking too many questions about sections because I didn’t want to worry myself.  Turns out the “prep” involved a blood test, an IV, a catheter and a shot of some nasty drink prior to going in.  All were manageable.  Since my last birth experience also involved a blood test, an IV and a couple of shots the section was winning out at this point.

I watched the clock and as it approached 7:00 p.m. I started to get nervous.  The anesthesiologist had been called to another OR and was running late which was holding up the production.  However, by 7:15 I was much calmer and stopped watching the clock which was a good thing.  I ended up going in around 8:00 p.m.

Walking into the OR was a bit surreal. I’ve had surgeries before, but was always wheeled in on a stretcher and quickly put under general anesthesia.  It was really cold and bright in the room.  There were lots of people coming in (there were two anesthesiologists for me, my OB and another doctor assisting him, a team waiting for each baby, and some nurses.  They had me hop up onto the operating table to do the spinal.  I hate needles and was jumpier than I needed to be, but it really wasn’t bad.  I’m just a wimp.  I tried to go to “my happy place” and pretend I wasn’t in an OR about to be cut open while I was awake, but that isn’t so easy to do when you are hospital phobic.

After they did the spinal things moved quickly.  They needed to quickly get me onto my back which is normal, but not something I was expecting so between “positioning me with urgency” and the flurry of doctors and nurses moving around and the general thought of what was about to occur I started to get very nervous.  I felt like I was going to pass out (from my nerves) and tried to tell them so through my oxygen mask.  Suddenly there was beeping and scurrying and someone yelling, “her something is dropping,” someone else yelling, “you need to get started,” someone else adjusting my oxygen-but I thought she was putting me under general anesthesia.  Knowing they were starting without Hubby in the room and all of the commotion along with my preconceived fears that I was going to die of a heart attack during this procedure led me to believe I was flatlining and that this was the end.  However, within a few seconds I heard voices saying, “she’s fine...everything’s stabe...bring in the husband...”  Hubby came in and sat up next to my head.  Nobody could really hear me talking and I was afraid I would feel them doing the procedure, but that nobody would hear me through my oxygen mask so I asked Hubby to stay close and talk to me.  

I remember he had his cheek against mine and was telling me about what was happening in a reassuring way.  He explained that the doctors were doing their thing, and that everyone else was standing around making small talk which led him to believe there was no reason to be concerned.  While I was glad for this tidbit of info, I told him I didn’t want to know what was going on and to distract me.  He then started talking about how Teddy Bruschi announced he was retiring, but that since he was retiring and not being traded to the Jets or some other unliked team he could still wear his jersey.  He didn’t get far into his jersey conversation when it was interupted by loud, strong, crying...and it wasn’t even me.  Baby A was out.

I could hear a lot of commotion, but it was all positive.  People were saying things like, “She’s a great size” and “her color looks perfect” and lots of other reassuring things.  I looked over my left shoulder and could see them working on her.  Immediately after the cries became in stereo as Baby B entered the world screaming and the same reassuring phrases were muttered about her.  The neonatal teams did their thing with the girls and quickly brought them over to me which I took as a great sign.  Had there been any problems going on with them or me I didn’t think the anesthesiologist would be offering to take family photos at that time.

After a quick meet and greet and our photo shoot they said they needed to take the babies up to the nursery and wanted “dad to come with them.”  The babies and their teams left, Hubby left, I’m not sure where my nurse was and the anesthiologist who had elected to stay for my section came over to congratulate me and told me she was going home.  Suddenly, I was basically by myself with the doctors still working on me.  I remember my nurse telling me in advance to hum if I wanted to drown out any noises or conversations in the OR so I did.  This made the doctor ask me if I was OK and the main anesthesiologist come and check on me.  It sounded like humming to me, but I’m musically challenged and tone-deaf so they probably thought I was moaning in pain.  Either way I think this made the anesthiologist add something to my IV because while I was still awake and coherent I was suddenly earily calm and relaxed.

Soon enough I was put back together and moved to recovery.  Hubby came in to hang with me while I waited to regain feeling in my legs.  I was shaking from the anesthesia and my nose and face were “tickly.”  I was told that I might be itchy and expected it to be an all over feeling but it was really just like when you get your hair cut and the little pieces that fall on your face tickly you.  I was comfortable and relieved.

I felt relief that the girls were here and seemed to be doing great.  I felt relief that I appeared to have lived through the Csection without dying of a heart attack.  I felt relief that the Boy had siblings.  I felt relief that all the stars aligned and that my own doctor was able to do the section, my parents were able to make it there in time to get the Boy, and that Hubby had been there.  There are so many variations in “birth stories” and it is something you obsess over when you are pregnant, but have little control over.  I was just really relieved that it all went so well and after several years of trying to complete our family and several months of constant worry everything was done and went really well.

I was in recovery for about an hour and was then brought up to maternity to the room that would be “home” for the next few days.  The nurses got me settled in bed and the babies were soon brought in.  Hubby and I were left alone to cuddle and enjoy them.  Hubby ended up spending the night.  We attempted to go to sleep around midnight, but I didn’t fall asleep until close to 3 a.m.  I was comfortable, happy and content but just couldn’t sleep.  I dozed and reflected on the events that had just occured and simply enjoyed the moment.